Turning 40 With a Toddler: Motherhood, Starting Later & Wishing Time Would Slow Down

Turning 40 feels a little different when you have a two-year-old running around.

There are plenty of jokes about turning 40 and getting older. But for me, this birthday has me thinking less about the number and more about time.

How quickly it passes. How much life can change in just a few years. And how becoming a mom has completely changed the way I think about getting older.

I'm turning 40 with a two-year-old son, a little family I absolutely love, and even the thought that maybe—just maybe—we aren't done growing our family yet.

Could there be another baby in a year or so?

Maybe.

Some people might look at that timeline and think we're crazy.

But here's the thing: I truly believe this was the right time for us to start our family.

Becoming a Mom Later in Life

There are moments when I think about what it would have been like to have children earlier.

I'd have more energy, right?

I'd be younger when my children graduate from high school. I'd potentially have more years with them as adults. And I probably wouldn't be doing the math in my head quite as often.

But then I think about who I was ten or fifteen years ago.

My life was different.

I was different.

The woman I am at 40 has lived more, learned more, built a career, made mistakes, figured out what matters to her and found the person she wanted to build a family with.

Starting our family later wasn't necessarily the timeline I would have predicted when I was younger, but looking at my life now, I don't think I would change it.

This was the right time for our family.

And I think that's something we don't talk about enough.

There isn't one perfect age to become a mom.

There is simply the life you're building and the timing that works for your family.

But Being an Older Mom Does Make You Think About Time

Since becoming a mom, I've become incredibly aware of how fast time moves.

People warn you about it constantly when you're pregnant.

"It goes so fast."

"Don't blink."

"Soak it all in."

You hear it, but you don't really understand it.

Then suddenly the newborn you're holding is crawling.

Then walking.

Then talking.

And somehow I'm looking at a two-year-old wondering where my baby went.

Now I'm turning 40, and I find myself doing calculations I never used to do.

How old will I be when he starts kindergarten?

When he graduates high school?

When he gets married?

What if we have another baby?

It can send your mind down quite the rabbit hole if you let it.

And sometimes, being an older mom does suck.

Not because I regret waiting—but because I wish I could ask time to slow down.

Motherhood Has Made Loss Feel Different

This may be the hardest part of getting older and having a young child.

There are people I desperately wish could be here for all of this.

We lost my mother-in-law far too soon. She finally had her first grandson, and I wish more than anything that she had gotten more time to watch him grow.

Then there is my bonus mom, who passed away before she ever had the chance to meet our son.

Those losses hit differently now.

There are milestones and funny moments when you immediately think, I wish she could see this.

And then I think about my own mom getting older.

I sometimes catch myself wondering whether she'll be here when my son graduates high school.

That's a difficult thought to even put into words.

Maybe that's one of the strange things about becoming a parent later in life. You're watching a brand-new generation begin while becoming increasingly aware that the generations before you are getting older, too.

There is so much joy happening at exactly the same time as there is loss.

Maybe That's Why I Want to Hold Onto Everything

I take a ridiculous number of pictures.

And videos.

So many videos.

I save little things. I think about keepsakes. I try to capture the funny words, the laughs, the ordinary afternoons and all those moments that probably don't seem particularly important right now.

Because I'm starting to understand that ordinary moments eventually become memories.

One day I'm going to miss the little voice calling for me.

I'll miss the toys everywhere.

I'll probably even miss some of the toddler chaos that currently makes me wonder what on earth is happening in my house.

At 40, I think I appreciate that differently than I might have at 25.

And Yes... We're Thinking About Another Baby

Here's another thought that makes turning 40 interesting.

We might want another baby.

Not tomorrow.

Maybe in another year or so.

And yes, I know what that means.

Another pregnancy when I'm older. Starting over with newborn nights. Bottles, diapers, naps and all of the things we're slowly leaving behind with our toddler.

There are practical things we'd have to consider, and pregnancy after 40 is something I'd want to discuss carefully with my doctor.

But emotionally?

The idea of another little person joining our family makes me happy.

Maybe we're done.

Maybe we're not.

I'm learning that I don't need to have every part of the next five years figured out on my 40th birthday.

Turning 40 Isn't What I Thought It Would Look Like

If you had shown 25-year-old me a picture of my life at 40, I'm not sure what she would have thought.

A toddler.

A fiancé.

A business.

A career.

A little family.

And possibly another baby still to come.

It's certainly not the traditional timeline.

But it's mine.

And I'm happy.

There are things I wish were different. I wish certain people were still sitting around our table. I wish I could guarantee that everyone I love today would be here for every milestone tomorrow.

I can't.

None of us can.

Maybe that's actually the lesson I'm taking into 40.

Stop measuring life by the timeline you thought you were supposed to follow.

Take the pictures.

Let your toddler climb into your lap.

Make the memories.

Tell people you love them.

Build your family when the time is right for you.

And when you're lucky enough to find yourself in a season you've waited a long time for, try your best to be there for it.

Because if these first two years of motherhood have taught me anything, it's that time isn't going to slow down just because I ask it to.

So maybe turning 40 isn't about feeling old.

Maybe it's about finally understanding just how valuable the time ahead of me really is.

And I'm planning to soak up as much of it as I can.

From one Salty Mama to another, here's to the next chapter.